Ask Amy: An self-taught expert oversteps with guidance

Ask Amy: An self-taught expert oversteps with guidance ...

DEAR AMY: My daughter's boyfriend is a self-taught personal trainer (without professional training).

He had previously served as a mechanic in airplanes.

He acts like a medical doctor, constantly offering unolicited advice.

I have asked my daughter (privately) to please keep him busy. He follows all of the weird and wacky diets he sees on YouTube. At one point, he was actually eating sticks of butter with his meals. (Yes, just biting into and eating sticks of butter.)

He once taught me for more than 15 minutes on how to add salt to my ice water. Um yes, I should not.

Everything he says is excessive. There is no moderation. It's 100% or nothing.

When I heard him telling my husband how he'd "fix" him with a quasi-medical medication, this occasion led to a heated yelling match.

I completely lost it. I was horribly punished for my actions, to my shame.

I yelled at him and told him that we do not need his "medical advice." I even said that his own parents aren't listen to him, so why should we?

I was completely wrong talking to him the day I did.

The next morning, my daughter and her boyfriend sent me apologies.

But what do I do right now?

While he goes on and on, I will not sit there with a smile on my face. That's he's just encouraging him.

Fed Up

DEAR FED UP: You don't know yet what the consequences of your outburst will be. It might have shook your daughter into compliance. It has likely sparked your daughter's interest in spending time with you together.

Outside the outburst itself, you should NOT have called him "personal" with him, expressing him how his own parents feel about his advice.

This guy is evidently a passionate interest and a gloomy personality, and he is imposing your friendships (and others).

I wonder how your daughter feels about his behavior, and how she copes with it?

Plus you attack him (however justified) the more your daughter may be forced closer to him.

If your opponent enters this sort of monologue, you can excuse yourself from the room - and everyone will understand - and possibly be relieved.

***

DEAR AMY: For the past four years my husband and I have invited two ladies to join us in sharing a condo we rent in Mexico.

One lady, who I thought she was a close friend, brought the other along and I became very pleased with her. They are amazing.

As we charge them a small rent, they get a good deal when they visit the country.

It was a seven-day period, and they demanded two weeks, but I advised them that 10 days was actually their limit.

One year, they invited a third lady along without even consulting me. I told them I wasn't open to that.

The problem I'm dealing with is that they are never in touch during the year. I'm not invited anywhere with them. Both women are divorced, and I am not, and that's just part of it.

I wonder if I'm being used as a summer retreat.

I recently saw on Facebook that they are going to Florida for a vacation, and I'm sorry that I was not invited.

Am I overreacting or am I being played?

Left Out

DEAR LEFT OUT: I'm not thinking about being "played" but I think that you and your husband are "that kind couple who sublet part of their nice condo in Cabo each year."

Because they are never in touch (until it's "Cabo-time"), these two women are not in your friend-zone. But if you like their business, you should continue to rent to them, and if you want to get involved in some of their adventures - you should mention them: "I found out on Facebook that you two people were in Florida. I hope you'll let me know if there's room for a third."

***

DEAR AMY Here's what my friend learned once a month, she would go into her children's room and create a pile of toys. She would instruct her children that in three days whatever was left in the pile would be donated.

The children may take back whatever they wanted. She was always surprised by how much she had left in the pile by the third day.

Toy Lover!

DEAR TOY LOVER! It's a pleasure to watch it!

(You may email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You may also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

Amy Dickinson, a spokesman for Tribune Content Agency, was distributing this publication in 2022.

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