Amy, my daughter, is a self-taught personal trainer (with no professional training). He had previously worked as an airplane mechanic.
He acts like he's a medical doctor, constantly giving advice unavoidable.
I have asked my daughter (privately) to let him stop eating. He follows all of the outrageous and wacky foods he sees on YouTube. At one point, he was actually eating sticks of butter with his meals. (Yes, I'm just biting into and eating sticks of butter.)
He once taught me for more than 15 minutes on how to add salt to my ice water. Um yes, I should not. Everything he says is excessive. There is no moderation. It's 100 percent or nothing.
When I heard him explain to my husband how he'd "fix" him with some quasi-medical treatment, the other day this led to a heated yelling match.
I completely forgot about it. I swore horribly, to my shame.
I yelled at him and told him that we do not require his "medical advice." I even said that his own parents don't listen to him, therefore why should we?
I was completely wrong with talking to him the day I did.
Both my daughter and her boyfriend received my apologies the next day.
What can I do now?
While he goes on and on, I will not sit there with a smile on my face. That's what makes him smile.
You don't know yet what the effect of your outburst will be. It might have sparked him into compliance. It has likely sparked your daughter's interest in spending time with you together.
Out of the outburst itself, you should not have made an "personal" with him, telling him how his own parents feel about his advice.
This guy has a profound interest and obsessive personality, and he is dominant your friends (and possibly others).
I wonder how your daughter feels about his behavior, and how she manages it?
The more you attack him (however justified), the greater your daughter might be forced closer to him.
If he stumbles into this type of monologue, you may relax yourself from the room and everyone will understand and be reassured.
Amy, my husband and I have invited two ladies to visit us to share a condo we rent in Mexico for the past four years.
One lady, who I suspected was a close friend, brought the other along, and I developed to really like her. They are wonderful people.
When they go to the airport, they get a good deal, as we pay them a reasonable rent.
It started out as seven days. Then they requested two weeks, but I told them that 10 days was actually my limit.
One year ago, they invited a third lady along without even consulting me. I told them I was not open to that.
The concern I'm having is that they're not in touch during the year. I'm not invited anywhere with them. Both women are divorced, and I am not, and perhaps that's something.
I wonder if I'm simply being used as a wonderful place to stay in the winter.
I recently saw on Facebook that they're going to Florida for a vacation, and I'm sorry that I wasn't invited.
I am overreacting or am I being played?
- Left Out
I don't believe you're being "played" by you and your husband. I believe that you and your husband are "that nice couple who sublet part of their nice condo in Cabo each year."
Because they are never in touch (until it's "Cabo-time"), these two women are not in your friendship zone. However, if you like their company, you should continue to rent to them, and if you want to be involved in some of their adventures you should inform them: "I saw on Facebook that you two were in Florida. If there is any room for a third, I hope you'll let me know."
Amy: Here's what my friend did about the common problem of parents being "overrun" with their kids' toys. She would sand into her children's room and create a pile of toys. She would notify her kids that in three days whatever was left in the pile would be donated.
The kids might take back whatever they wanted. She was always surprised with how much she had by the third day.
I love toy! It's an inspiration!
Amy Dickinson may send an email to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.