Amy: Nothing says 'I love you' like leaving out the onions

Amy: Nothing says 'I love you' like leaving out the onions ...

Amy's stepdaughter, "Serena" and her husband, "Ned," have two minor children, aged 2 to 4, and both have a complex time.

In the midst of the epidemic, I offered to provide a four-day meal for her family to assist them.

Serena genuinely appreciates my assistance and almost always enjoys my lunches soup, chili, meatloaf, spaghetti sauce, stews, chicken enchiladas, and more. All dishes that are simple to transport.

Ned does not like onions, but I put onions in almost every entree I prepare!

His mother apparently clinged to this extreme and never used onions in her cooking. Obviously, I might leave out the onions in the meals I offer her parents, but Serena would not find the dishes equally palatable.

Moreover, their two children might develop the same aversion, thus eliminating onions would only perpetuate the problem.

Delaying out onions deprives this family of the opportunity to try new foods.

Do you have any words of wisdom?

Stepmom Cook of the Bay Area

Dear Cook, my basic assumption is that if this is your "helping out," then I wonder how much you would perform if you were deliberately trying to disrespect someone.

I think it's unkind to deliberately provide someone a food containing an ingredient that you know they have an adverse reaction to (or simply don't eat) without having the option to remove it.

Onions have an advantage over other foods, so you can only eat them around them.

It's best to remove them from your cooked foods or include two versions of these dishes. Every time your son-in-law witnessed this discernment, he would think: "She remembered me!"

Is this "catering" to someone? Yes! If your stepdaughter had a similar aversion, would you not consider it?

You don't want someone's aversion to control your cooking, but here's another way to look at it: If you recognised this man's challenge and did your best to put your hands first, you'd be demonstrating to this family that you are doing an act of service as a way to convey your love and respect for each of them, not just for the onion-eaters.

You should not be concerned about or controlling the palates of these young children. That's their parents' duty.

Amy: I've had a girlfriend of 13 years, but I'm wondering if I should break up with her.

We have both been together for over two years (the remainder of our lives on different continents).

Because of several cultural differences, we cannot become married or disclose our relationship to our neighbors and family.

I am wondering about this because I have recently met someone from my own culture (she likes me, and we would be able to get married and live freely).

One problem is that this person is about 11 years younger than me.

I feel ashamed of my feelings for this new girl (I haven't cheated on my girlfriend, but I have hidden my relationship with this new person).

I continue to worry about my girlfriend. I think that I should break up in order to make it simpler for my girlfriend to find someone else, but I do believe that I am causing issues for no reason.

I'd bet you would be grateful for your advice.


Dear Torn, I'm attempting to imagine the possibility that you might essentially live a completely secret life. I suppose that maintaining this secret requires you and your girlfriend to consistently lie to your family, friends, and colleagues.

I believe that your friendship for each other is very strong, but because of your current disagreements, you should have a clear and honest discussion about your situation, and whether or not this is the best way for you to live.

I cannot tell you to break up. It is evident that it's time for you to look into all the implications of staying together, especially if you want to have children.

Dear Amy, you might look at Barbies during your previous conversation. I would invent stories, with lots of pretend play. When my own daughter was small, I hesitated. But she wanted one.

She was the first person to have a Barbie.

Guess who will start medical school in August 2022?

Proud Mom

Dear Proud: It's such an amazing thing!

Amy Dickinson may send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

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