DEAR AMY: A few years ago, my parents sent my (then) young-adult daughter a birthday card. Normally this would have included a monetary gift or gift card, but when she opened it there was only a note stating that there would be no gift, as they did not agree with what she was hoping to spend on (a tattoo).
My daughter cried as a result of the words, which made me shiver.
My husband told him that he must talk to his parents and have them apologize. He didn't get what he did.
I didn't like a gift, but they said it was painful, and my daughter felt it was appropriate to receive an apology from people who should care about her, no matter their personal convictions.
He thought I should call them because I was more dissatisfied about it than he was. I told him I would not be able to control my temper.
He never said anything to them, although I have asked him to do so often.
Although I know my parents love us, they are more distant emotionally and emotionally than the rest of our family.
My daughter is planning her wedding. I am not certain that they will attend due to ongoing health concerns, but I want to ensure that we all are ready.
Is it a good idea to press my husband to tell them how they have hurt our daughter? Is it just better to do my best to hide my emotions under the rug and try to avoid them?
Our daughter has not forgotten, as it is a running joke when she receives a card from someone.
MAMA BEAR, DECLAR: Your husband's parents were being judgmental and unkind, but they did not get to know them!
Their overthrow judgement has likely caused their granddaughter to be wary of them. Again, it's a result of their choice.
Because I understand that this has become something of a running joke for your daughter, you may be surprised by what I suspect. (For example, if she receives a fat envelope in the mail: "Oh, please, thank you for getting tattoo money!")
What I don't understand is why it is your husband's responsibility to confront his parents about behavior that doesn't seem to surprise him in the least.
This incident occurred several years ago. Your daughter is an adult. If she wants to get a deal done beforehand because you thought I might pay for a tattoo, it really affected her, and I feel like I had fallen several pegs in your affection for me, and I'm concerned that we have never realized.
Yes, my advice to - and you should - do your best to accept their limitations as individuals and grandparents.
If you accept them as flawed individuals who are just not very successful at being accepted and loving grandparents, then you will not have to confront or forgive them.
Always - treat them the way you wish they treated others.
DEAR AMY: My wife and I are unable to make summertime memories for our children. Simply, we don't know if a COVID variation may surpose and derail all of our best-laid plans.
Is there any reason to be a fan of these suggestions?
- A well-known father
DEAR DAD: Make your plans, assume that everything will go smoothly, and prepare yourself for possible changes.
And - I'm not going to be "that guy," but please keep an eye on that there are families dislocated by warfare and other natural and man-made events who have no authority to even making plans.
Your family - and mine - may handle a variety of best-laid plans, and that in itself is something to be extremely grateful for.
DEAR AMY: I'm responding to a letter from "I Miss Her," the pregnant mother whose sister-in-law had recently died. The SIL now had trouble attending baby-centered events, such as showers and birthday parties.
40 years ago, I lost my infant son to a drunk driver.
It was just impossible to be anywhere near anyone who is pregnant, as well as her sister-in-law. Despite the fact, your advice for counselling, etc., is correct.
Because all of these emotions and feelings are still tender and raw, it is vital to be patient and kind.
I believe that in time this relationship will turn around and everything will be good.
- Have you ever been there?
BEEN THERE: This question has prompted many parents who have been forced to show their support after their loss.
Amy Dickinson may send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You may follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.