Ask Amy: Years ago, grandparents sent a judgmental note in place of a gift, but it continues to sting

Ask Amy: Years ago, grandparents sent a judgmental note in place of a gift, but it continues to stin ...

Amy, Amy, a young adult, sent my (then) young-adult daughter a birthday card two years ago. Normally this would have included a monetary gift or gift card, but when she opened it there was just a note stating that there would be no gift, as they did not agree with what she was hoping to spend on (a tattoo).

My daughter cried as the words were hurtful, which turned me back to the mother.

I told my husband that he need to talk with his parents and ask them to apologize. He didn't get what he meant.

I didn't care about a gift, but my note was disappointing, and I felt my daughter needed apologies from people who should pay attention regardless of her beliefs.

He thought I should call them because I was more consternated by it than he was. I told him I would not be able to control my temper.

He never said anything to them, although I have asked him to do so many times.

Although I know my ex-laws love us, they are more distant emotionally and emotionally than the rest of our family.

My daughter is planning her wedding. I am not certain that they will attend due to ongoing health concerns, but I want everyone to be prepared.

Is it okay to press my husband to tell them what they have hurt our daughter? Is it possible to do my best to hide my feelings under the rug and to avoid them?

When she receives a card from someone, our daughter has not forgotten.

Mama Bear

Mama Bear: Your husband's parents were judgmental and unkind, but that's why!

Their reckless judgment has likely prompted their granddaughter to be cautious of them. Again, this is the result of their choice.

Because of this fact that this is an essential part of your daughter's running joke. (For example, if she receives a fat envelope in the mail: "Oh, please pay attention to tattoo money!"

What I don't understand is why it is your husband's job to confront his parents over behavior that does not seem to surprise him in the least.

This incident occurred several years ago. Your daughter is an adult. If she wants to take a picture of a resolution (for herself), she might contact them: "That birthday when you refused to pay me a gift, because you thought I might pay for a tattoo that really hurt! I felt like I had fallen several pegs in your aplomb for me, and I was concerned that we have never really recovered."

I encourage you to yes do your best to accept them as individuals and grandparents.

If you accept them as greast people who simply aren't quite capable of being accepting and loving grandparents, then you will not have to confront or forgive them.

Always treat them as you wish they treated others.

Amy, my wife and I have trouble making summertime schedules with and for our kids. Simply, we don't know if a COVID variation will arise and disrupt all of our best-laid plans.

Are you considering making a commission?

Organized Dad

Make your plans, assume that everything will be good, and prepare yourself for possible modifications, Dear Dad.

Unless you aren't going to be "that guy," you should keep an eye on the fact that there are families who are dislocated by warfare and other natural and man-made events that don't have the privilege of even making plans.

Your family and mine may handle a variety of best-laid plans, and that in itself is something to be very grateful for.

Amy, I'm responding to a letter from "I Miss Her," the pregnant lady who recently lost a baby. The SIL now had difficulties attending baby-centered events, such as showers and birthday parties.

40 years ago, my infant son was lost to a drunk driver.

It was simply impossible to be around anyone she is pregnant, as well as her sister-in-law. All of this, your motivation for counseling, etc. is correct.

This is because all of these anxieties and anxieties are still quite tender and raw.

I believe that in time this relationship will turn around and everything will be fine.

Have stayed in the country for the last two years.

Dear Been There: This question has prompted many parents to demonstrate their support for those who have suffered through the loss of a child.

Amy Dickinson may send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

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