Dear Abby, I resent my husband's miserable, implorable family during the holidays

Dear Abby, I resent my husband's miserable, implorable family during the holidays ...

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jonah," comes from a large family. They are kind people who live in a small, rural area, and they aren't interested in outsiders. Jonah and I have been together for 15 years (married for eight) and never had access to his mother's residence or some of his siblings' houses.

We like to entertain so those attending our holiday parties that they literally walk in without greeting me. They eat all of our food and leave without saying goodbye or even assisting in the cleanup. It's "pack behavior." They do this all together. I have reached the conclusion that I no longer want to host these events. I feel uneasy in my own home.

Jonah and I have started cutting down on the number of parties we host, and now they make furious remarks about it. Their husband admits that they are a bunch of miserable, rude individuals, but that doesn't help the situation.

I want nothing to do with them, and I'd not be forced to keep inviting a bunch of ungrateful individuals who do not have the same courtesy to speak to me. Please help. ANNOYED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ANNOYED: If you have expressed to your husband what you have written in your letter, he DOES understand, but refuses to mention it. The way his family has treated you is deplorable. While you go and do something alone or with people who you love. If he does, you may also visit his relatives without you.

DEAR ABBY: My adult granddaughter, "Kaia," is in a relationship with "Jenny. Jenny's stepmom doesn't believe in homosexuality. I'm having a difficult time dealing with the fact that Jenny's family does not accept Kaia or allow her in their house. Kaia is excluded from all holidays and family activities.

I don't know what to do or say to her about this. Jenny is getting married in two months, and her family is still shunning her. How do I deal with these "holy rollers" that use the church as a reason to hate my granddaughter? I don't want to die knowing she'll have a miserable life ahead of her. Please help. IN CALIFORNIA

SUPPORTIVE: If Jenny's family are truly good Christians, they may not dislike your granddaughter. They may be following a misleading pattern to love the "sinner," but dislike the "sin."

I cannot advise strongly enough that Kaia and Jenny discuss the implications of that family's behavior BEFORE they marry. I am surprised Jenny would attend family gatherings from which Kaia is excluded. If this continues after the marriage, it could damage their relationship. A counselor at the nearest LGBTQ center would be helpful in this discussion.

As they enter their future, be as supportive to your granddaughter and Jenny as you can. Encourage them to cultivate their own "chosen family."

Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, wrote Dear Abby and her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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