Amy, Amy: A few years ago, my daughters sent my (then) young-adult daughter a birthday card. Normally this would have included a monetary gift or gift card. However, when she opened it there was just a note stating that there would be no gift, as they did not agree with what she was hoping to spend on (a tattoo).
The words were hurtful and made my daughter cry, which brought me back to the mother bear.
I told my husband that he need to talk to his parents and to apologize. He didn't get what he was big deal.
I didn't care about a gift, but they expressed my disappointment, and I felt that my daughter would receive an apology from people who should respect her no matter their personal beliefs.
I was more depressed about it than he was. I told him I would not be able to control my temper.
He did not say anything to them, although I have asked him to do so many times.
Although I know my parents love us, they are both very distant emotionally and emotionally than the rest of our family.
My daughter is planning her wedding. I am not certain that they will attend due to ongoing health concerns, but I want to make sure that everyone is there.
Is it really necessary to press my husband to inform them of how they have hurt our daughter? Is it just a good idea to do my best to remove my thoughts under the rug and try to avoid them?
Our daughter has not forgotten, as it's a running joke when she receives a card from someone.
Mama Bear: Your husband's parents were being judgmental and unkind, but they insist that their situation isn't a problem!
Their vengeance has likely prompted their granddaughter to be wary of them. Again, this is the consequence of their choice.
Because I believe this incident is a running joke for your daughter, I appreciate it. (For example, if she receives a fat envelope in the mail: "Ooh, please pay attention!"
What I don't understand is why it is your husband's job to confront his parents in a manner that doesn't seem to surprise him in the least.
This incident happened several years ago. Your daughter is an adult. If she wants to make some resolution (for herself), she might contact them: "That birthday when you refused to pay me a gift because you thought I might pay for a tattoo, that really hurt! I felt like I had fallen several pegs in your affection for me, and I suspect we have never realized."
Yes, my advice for you is to do your best to accept their limitations as people and as grandparents.
If you accept them as being unloved individuals who aren't quite adept at accepting and loving grandparents, then you will not need to confront or forgive them.
Always treat them as you wish they treated others.
Amy, my wife and I are both unable to make summertime schedules with and for our kids. Quite simply, we don't know if a COVID mutation may emerge and dissipate all of our best-laid plans.
Is there any need to be a part of your suggestions?
Make your intentions, assume that everything will go smoothly, and prepare yourself for any changes.
I don't want to be "that guy," but please keep an eye on how many families have been dislocated by warfare and other natural and man-made events.
Your family and mine can handle a variety of best-laid plans, and that is something to feel personally recognisable.
Amy, I'm responding to a letter from "I Miss Her," a pregnant woman who had recently lost a baby. The SIL now had trouble attending baby-centered events, such as showers and birthday parties.
40 years ago, I lost my infant son to a drunk driver.
It was simply unbearable to be around anyone pregnant, like her sister-in-law. However, your advice for counseling, etc., is correct.
This is why human being and patience are crucial, because all of these sentiments and emotions are still quite tender and raw.
I believe that in time this relationship will turn around and everything will be good.
Have eu etablissered me.
Dear Been There: This question has prompted many parents to demonstrate their help after they lost their children.
Amy Dickinson may send an email or email, including an asking Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.