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Dear Abby, a City girl may provide some assistance in dealing with a nasty mother-in-law

Dear Abby, a City girl may provide some assistance in dealing with a nasty mother-in-law

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice about my mother-in-law. She has hated me since the first time she met me because Im not from the country, but from the city. I have given her gifts for birthdays and holidays and invited her on day trips with us, but she always refuses.

She makes up lies about me, claims she has STDs, spends all her son's money, etc. She spreads a rumor that I would not allow her at our wedding. She lives 46 miles away and has never met her son. I take him to her because he can't get a driver's license because he has medical issues.

PEEVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PEEVED: Please accept my sympathy for your situation. While your husband refuses to recognize that there is anything wrong with his mothers behavior, it is off the charts. I hope you realize that most men stand up for their wives and children when they are mistreated.

Because you cannot change your husband or his witch of a mother, and you never mentioned the date of leaving the marriage, you will simply need to adjust to it. Start by planning an activity you and your child can enjoy while your husband is visiting his mom, rather than sitting for hours in the car. Or, you may even schedule other transportation for your husband.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old woman who has lived in a relationship with a man for seven years. "Ken" is 27 years older than I am. (I pursue him.) I have always been slightly confused about his relationship with him, and he knows that. Lately, I have been feeling very guilty.

HE's a great, honest man, and I enjoy our friendships. We get together great, have a lot in common, and make a good team. But lately I have realized that I want to be on my own, not in a relationship. I feel a strong desire to focus on me and only me, so I can grow into the person I envision myself being.

DEAR WANTING: You became involved with Ken while you were still very young. It appears you never gave yourself time to fully develop as an individual. You state that you are still in a relationship rather than a marriage, which may be a blessing due to your ambivalence.

Many women would be happy to live their life in a friendship that has all the positive qualities that yours holds with Ken. I am sure you both will discover this when you move on. However, since you asked my advice, talk this through before making any final decision.

Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, wrote Dear Abby and was founded by Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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