Ask Amy: A mostly platonic friend professes his love just before he leaves to study abroad
Dear Amy, I'm a recent college grad who's in my midst, and is searching for full-time work. I'm looking to move somewhere new, make new friends, and live my young adult life to its fullest.
While at home and job hunting, I've spent the summer reconnecting with an old friend/flame, Toby. For more than a year, Toby and I have been talking casually on and off.
Instead, we decided to remain friends, something I'm proud of when we didn't see eye to eye in what we were looking for in a romantic partner.
Toby is now a native of the United States and I'm saddened to see him take him to grad school overseas. While there is still a lot of overlap, I hate to see someone I care about move so far away.
Weve been together for fun, casual activities, before his departure, since his arrival.
Recently, I was invited over to his house, where we sat and chatted all night about our friendship, relationship, and individual goals for the future.
We closed eyes in a moment of silence seemingly out of oculus, and Toby calmly stated, I love you.
I was in a terrible state for words like I've never been before. He claims it wasnt his, but he felt it in the moment and decided to let me know.
I'm flattered, but I feel a lot of things: adored, caught off guard, and somewhat betrayed by our pact at friendship.
Any advice on this difficult subject?
Dear Confused!: "Toby" will leave the country for the next several months. If there were ever a moment to express your sincere love for someone, it would be the answer!
Isn't it how Harry finally met Sally by confessing a love for her that went beyond their friendship?
Is Toby expressing romantic love, friendship love and kinship love? It may be all three. Maybe its the somewhat awaited utterance of acetylvania whose ship is on the verge of sailing.
Maybe its a moment-of-truth statement from jemand who is hedging his own life with some clarity and wants to be honest with you before you both begin new phases of your lives.
You have the time to speak with Toby in the next few months. He has been honest and you should be, too.
Dear Amy, I recently stayed at an RV park in a suburban area.
The occupants of the house behind my RV have what I believe to be a daycare business.
I had a lot of yelling on the porch when I told you to come in!, followed by door slamming.
I then heard a tiny boy crying, whimpering, and yowling for the next four hours.
It was awesome and traumatic experience to witness. I was in a terrible state for what to do.
I called the Department of Childrens Services at the fourth hour in the state.
Shortly after that, the child was screamed at some more and then brought inside.
I had no idea what happened the rest of the day.
I left early the next morning, feeling like I let down this poor child, and have been ravaged with guilt since. Should I have been asked to call the police?
Should I have gone over and say something?
Guilt-Ridden Guilst - Rideden
Dear Guilt-Ridden: Recently I was walking through the parking lot at the local mall and seeing a dog whimpering and crying in parked cars.
I went straight into mall security and reported it. Several other people were standing there, having reported the same thing. The mutual concern for this avertible animal was remarkable.
My point is that we must all be at the same level of alarm and care for children.
You did the right thing, but you could have placed the call much earlier. I hypothesize that the operator at DCS would have advised you if you were to call the police once you explained the situation.
Dear Amy, thank you for taking the time to correct the phrase of Not Meant to Be a Mother when she refered to an adopted baby as any old baby.
We adoptive parents understand that what you said is true: Our adopted children are real and unique, and very much ours.
Happy Parent Happy Parents
Dear Parent, This woman was travesty of her own suffering; I hope that her recovery will give you a better understanding of adoption possibilities. She is simply not ready for her.
You may send an email to Amy Dickinson at (800) 636-7700. firstname.lastname@example.org Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or send a letter to Ask Orchard, I.P.C.