It can be true that romance makes it difficult to see the signs that youre in a bad relationship. Of course, no relationship is perfect, but understanding which behaviors are the major red flags of something unhealthy can help you develop a successful relationship, whether or not.
Regardless of your circumstances, there are a number of things you should not tolerate in your relationship. Below, we cover 20 things you should not include in your partnership.
Controlling Behavior is Explanated by your partner.
You and your partners lives, plans, and needs will be intertwined to some extent. For example, if you and your SO share a child and they ask you to check in regularly for co-parenting purposes, that's reasonable, according to OReilly. If they always need to know where you are and who youre with for no apparent reason, that's a red flag.
2.Your partner lash out at you
Ingrid Bergman is looking for hidden treasure in his house with the help of the attics gaslights, which causes every other light in the house to dim. From this film, the term gaslighter was developed to describe a partner who attempts to show you that you are wrong or irrational.
Gaslighting is a common concept in controlling partners, according to a licensed counselor. You may try to convince you that your concerns are ridiculous or unfounded, or they may respond to your hurt feelings with, it was just a joke or lighten up.
OReilly says that when you feel something, they try and make you feel as if something is wrong with you. Youve told them that [something] does not feel good for you, and they have dismissed your remarks. Although the self-doubt that gaslighting sows can be difficult to overcome, this behavior is toxic and reason enough to leave your relationship.
3.Your partner abuses you emotionalally or verbally
OReilly claims that controlling behavior may sometimes be a form of emotional or verbal abuse. During meditation, you may spit you around other people, or gaze at you when you express how they make you feel. All of these behaviors are unacceptable, according to OReilly. Talking with a therapist or counselor to assist you in dealing with the abuse and safely exit the relationship.
4.Physically, your partner forgives you.
Physical abuse, according to OReilly, is another form of intimacy violence. Upon arrival, your partner encounters violence or harms you in any way, and she advises to contact a trusted loved one or professional to assist you in correcting the situation.
5.If you don't want to have sex, your partner makes you feel miserable.
The majority of state criminal codes included a marital rape exemption, essentially declaring rape between spouses to be impossible. As RAINN says, the crime currently occurs and is often not reported, and rapists are often not convicted. It becomes even more difficult to understand your romantic partner as a rapist.
Because it's important to recognize that a partner or marital rape may occur in otherwise non-violent relationships, and to remember that following a sexual act once does not mean that you consent to it for the rest of your life. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you may contact the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org.
6.You Don't Feel Good About Yourself About Your Partner
OReilly claims that your partner should bring out the best in you, so if you feel like your worst version of yourself around them, that's a sign somethings wrong. If your partner says or does something that makes you feel like you shouldn't be proud of yourself or confident in who you are, then they aren't treating you with the respect you deserve.
According to OReilly, a good litmus test: If your friends and family express concern about your partners' behavior, then this is unlikely to the relationship you have with you.
7.Your partner has established an end to you.
OReilly claims that if your partner decides to control who you spend time with, that's a red flag. Independence is a vital part of any healthy relationship, so attempting to isolate you from your loved ones and hobbies is a sign that your partner is attempting to assert their dominance at the expense of your happiness, personal relationships, and self-care, according to OReilly.
All of them are bad. You may know that your friends dislike the relationship for good reasons, and thus endeavor to avoid people who may point out serious flaws and concerns. Or you may be ejected or jealous of your interactions with other people. But your personal relationships and lifestyle are important, and you do not need them. Alomari said.
8.Your partner encourages you to change.
9.You Have Physical Reactions to Your Partners Behavior
10.Your partner confirms your experiences.
A partner who tries to convince you that important parts of your history or lives are irrelevant or untrue, according to OReilly. One example: If a woman expresses her anger about catcalling she often faces on the way to work, and her male partner dismisses it as a significant deal, saying it is not a compliment, it's not OK. Similarly, a partner who berates you for being too aggressive or not open enough is not working you properly.
It's possible to educate your partner about issues their race or gender may be difficult to avoid, and it's possible for your partner to learn to understand your experiences. However, if there is no communication, you may be irritated and confused when you minimize your experiences.
11.Your partner juggle you.
Feeling judged by your partner is another strong sign that they are not giving you the respect and kindness you require in a relationship, according to OReilly. While a loving partner can gently and respectfully assist you in becoming the best version of yourself and vice versa, a partner who is constantly telling you what you dislike is a no-go. They may regularly berate aspects of your personality or body you both of which are cruel, immature, and manipulative ways to exert control in a relationship.
12.Your partner ignores your sexual needs and limitations.
13.Your partner doesn't respect your boundaries.
Despite your criticism, does your partner joke about terrible things? Do you share your personal information with others in an e-mail address? These are just a few ways that someone may overstep your boundaries, and a sign that your partner isnt following your criteria for emotional wellness. Especially if you have never met boundaries with your partner before, thats dangerous behavior you should no longer tolerate.
14.Your partner acknowledges your relationship publicly.
If you and your partner have decided to enter a committed relationship, then it shouldn't be a secret (unless, for instance, there are reasons you two have agreed to keep the relationship under wraps). If you're contemplating this relationship, then you deserve recognition. Is your partner considering you a placeholder and does not want to appear tied down in the event that someone else comes along? Are they lying about monogamy to multiple partners and have to keep it secret? Are they embarrassed by the relationship?
15.Your partner always accuses you of cheating.
Despite the fact that you havent and there is no reason for suspicion, something is wrong. If certain aspects of your relationships with the individuals you serve, then you should absolutely listen to their concerns and assess how your behavior might be harmful. However, if your partner is only acting on insecurity alone and attempting to despise you or isolate you from others as a result, it is a deal-breaker.
16.Your partner rogues over you and breaks out.
17.Your partner slut-shames you
Do you feel sorry about your previous partner's sexual history or a number of previous sexual partners? Do you call you a slut or whore if your outfit has too much skin? Slut-shaming is your partner's way of asserting control over your body, and it can be harmful, according to Dr. Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist and author of Single But Dating.
Your partner falls short of your career dreams.
If your partner fails to see you succeed, then it is one thing for your partner to offer constructive criticism or express your frustration if your career is causing you to ignore the relationship, according to Alomari. Unless they mock your work ethic, or you to reject opportunities, then you must either confront the issue or refrain from the relationship.
19.Your partner never takes responsibility.
20.Your partner knows they are causing harm to you and does nothing.
While every relationship requires work and compromise on both sides, there are some limitations that you simply shouldnt tolerate. In the long run, acknowledging which issues veer into the toxic side of things can be difficult, but keeping an eye on things beforehand, as well as checking in with people you trust, can be helpful.
Nawal Alomari, LCPC, a licensed clinical professional counselor and life coach with a background in Chicago.
Dr. Paul DePompo, PhD, ABPP, a clinical psychologist and author of The Other Woman's Affair
Nikki Goldstein, Ph.D., sexologist and author of Single But Dating
Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., and a clinical psychologist
Jess OReilly, Ph.D., is a sexual wellness and sex toys manufacturer We-Vibe, Womanizer, and Arcwave, who has served as a sexologist and ambassador for sexual wellness and sexual toys.
Matchmaking and dating expert, Stef Safran
Dr. Danielle Forshee, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, has been in charge of the department of health.
Dr. Dori Gatter, Ph.D., LCPC, licensed psychotherapist, and relationship expert
This article was originally published on June 23, 2015, and it was then published.