With careful planning, everything from a vacation to a D&D campaign, is possible, and anal sex is no exception. This popular fantasy is woefully misunderstood, causing far too many people to dive in unprepared, have a bad time, and are left thinking they don't enjoy it.
Why is anal sex so popular? When properly approached, it can be very pleasant. And with penetration, you can also stimulate the prostate (and even the G-spot!) Anal sex is also considered taboo by many, which can both increase the enjoyment of the experience and make accurate information harder to find.
Anal sex isnt for everybody, and it's perfectly fine if it isn't your cup of tea. Just because something is a popular fantasy does not mean you have to be interested in it. I want to ensure that people have complete and accurate information so they may make fully informed decisions. And if someone thinks they don't like anal because the first time they tried it there was no warming-up and no lube, that's unfortunate.
Prepare Mentally And Emotionally For Anal Sex
The brain is the largest sex organ. It may not sound very sexy, but it does hold some truth. Because pleasureable anal sex is dependent on relaxation, the most common cause of pain is when the internal sphincter (just inside the external sphincter/anus) is still too tight, but something is pushed in anyway. There is no need to manipulate the sphincter to relax, you need to be genuine.
The first step to be mentally prepared for anal sex is to confirm that it is something you want to do. No matter how popular it is in porn or how eager your partner might be to try it, anal sex isnt for everyone. And it's okay if you're just not interested in it.
Amory Jane suggests you try out anal sex first on your own. This will allow you to concentrate on your own interests rather than please others. Deep and gentle breathings can help with mental and physical relaxation and help with anal sex more enjoyable, according to sex educator.
Jane suggests, talk to your sex-positive pals who may have already had anal sex, or listen to sex podcasts that feature episodes on this topic. Here's an anal sex podcast playlist to get you started:
Prepare Your Body For Anal Sex
When it comes to anal sex, people tend to worry about hygiene, but a simple shower is generally sufficient. Fecal matter does not hang out in the rectum, so an external cleaning is usually all that is required. So before it's time to play, you can insert one finger over the first knuckle and do a little swirl to make sure everything is clear.
I think enemas are best left to the professionals because they are less suitable for anal play. An enema can be extremely painful on your system, causing cramping, and may leave you feeling less than sexy.
Jane believes that changing your diet, such as including more fiber, can help keep things clear and regular. Some individuals choose to eat smaller portions on the days they are planning to have anal sex, and will make sure to have bowel movements earlier in the day to feel empty and ready for action.
Prepare for anal sex with your partner.
Anal sex should not be a spur-of-the-moment decision. It's important to have conversations with your partner before any anal play takes place. Make sure you're both enthusiastic about it and on the same page about how it'll go.
Jane recommends that you have these conversations outside of a lusty bedroom moment so as not to create a sense of urgency to say yes. Once youre undressed and turned on, it's difficult to think clearly, and you're likely to miss something important. And, as Jane cautions, there can be pressure in the moment to follow what the other person wants.
Jane cautions that anal sexting does not have to be serious or intense. It can also be playful and sexy to incorporate anal into your dirty talk or sexting. Make sure you get your consent first. This dialog should be used solely as fantasy material rather than a promise of things to come.
Jane advises you to think about your sexual orientation when it comes to potential anal sex. You'll want to make sure you have discussions about your STI status, what kind of protection will be used (gloves, dams, condoms?), turn-ons, soft and hard limits, and any relevant information about injuries, trauma, and anal experience level that may help you and your partner have a great time.
Prepare Your Space For Anal Sex
Once you have set aside time for anal sex, it's so much easier to stay in the moment. Nothing does the job of breaking the flow quite like having to go searching through your drawers or closets to find lube or condoms when they're needed. Even worse, some people will skip using these items if they are not discovered immediately.
Here are a few things you might want to have handy to get ready for anal sex:
- Wet wipes
- Safer sex supplies, including condoms, gloves, dental dams, and internal condoms
- Anal-safe sex toys, such as toys with a wide, flared base intended for anal use
Jane recommends making your living space feel luxurious and inviting. Remove the laundry, light a few candles, and turn on your favorite sexy playlist. I like to use a humidifier with a few drops of my favorite essential oils so that I can both unwind and awaken more of my senses, and place a mostly empty garbage can nearby for easy wipe-down.
Anal Sex Use Safer Sex Practices
Anal sex is a critical part of preparing for any kind of sexual activity, and this includes some specific considerations. For starters, it is important to know about location-specific infections. Such as chlamydia or gonorrhea, there are some infections you can get on your anus (or in your throat) that will not show up during standard STI testing.
If anal sex is to become a regular part of your sex life, you may want to talk to your doctor about PrEP (pre-exposure prevention), a medication that can significantly reduce your chance of contracting HIV.
Never forget the lube! It not only makes anal sex enjoyable, but it also makes it safer. Without lube, the delicate tissues of the anus and rectum are more likely to break, making it difficult for bacteria to enter the bloodstream.
Jane advises using a condom for anal even if you are monogamous and you and your partner usually have unprotected sex. And thats not just for safety. Condoms can help prevent many STIs as well as help with glide and cleanup.
If rimming (analingus) is going to be a part of your anal play, consider putting a dental dam together. In addition to STIs, oral/anal contact can lead to the ingestion of bacteria that may require antibiotic treatment.
If there is also vaginal play going between two holes, you should use one condom for anal and a different one for vaginal sex. This will prevent yeast infections and/or bacterial imbalances, according to Jane.
Internal condoms are a great way to get around this problem in sex education. For anal use, remove the internal ring, because it's less space to spread out in a rectum than in a vagina.
If/when someone with a penis has an orgasm, please keep in mind that a warm rush of fluid into one's rectum might make your body think you're doing an enema, but for anal sex novice, this is another great reason to use condoms.
It's tempting to put all the groundwork for anal sex, but it's important to keep it a slow and steady pace the first time you play. Touching fingers, toys, and even tongues can be very pleasant, and starting slow helps your body relax and learn that anal stimulation is a part of sexual pleasure. Later, you'll be able to try more advanced play.
Jane advises that when it comes to anal sex, you should apply plenty of lube and begin by inserting a finger. Continue adding another finger as your body adjusts and is ready for more.
Sex toys are another great way to get started; just make sure you are using body-safe toys for anal use. Silicone plugs are popular because they are light, non-porous, and easy to clean. Start with tiny plugs when you're ready to practice anal sex with a penis.
Even if you follow all of these tips and move slowly, you may still experience some discomfort while having anal sex. Its important to stop and make adjustments at the first sign that something isnt right. I recommend slowing down, tuning into your own or your partner's body, and figuring out what you need to be comfortable.
Anal sex may be a wonderful addition to your sexual repertoire with a bit of preparation and expertise, as well as a willingness to take things slowly and pay attention to your body!
Amory Jane, a sex educator and director of communications at She Bop, is the founder of the program.
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